Thoughts of Salvin

A can of cola in my hand, Reading entries from an old diary, Brings back memories like magic, Of not so random scribbles, on the back page, Your name and mine… With doodles of hearts, and stick figures holding hands... Collages of Chocolate wrappers, can rings, and straws, beautifully stained with lipstick... A photo of you from our class trip taped on the edge... Memories from our teenage... It's funny how you still make me homesick... When I read an entry from  Twenty first May fifteen years ago.. You and I,  Two straws in the same cola can.... Her hair flutter, just a few strands of a single hanging curl... A moment so fantastic... Her smile... Sharing a can of cola at the soda stand...  

Though I failed so many times; so many times I lost count Though love has abandoned me each time I approached it Kept enduring pain, pain that never seizes to surmount Broke every time and still never gave up and I kept walking, walking towards it Though breathing freely too now is no easy task Though it’s never been easy being the man behind the mask Though I ran towards silver linings and they were nothing but reflections Though I realized I ran in the wrong direction Though my life crumbles around me yet I keep laughing Laughing even with pain though I cry so loud within Though it still hurts when the wind passes through the holes in the heart I keep walking and hoping A heart of stone would have been a blessing A heart so cold would have been a blessing Though with each moment with each minute The life I lived has become so difficult to live in it I want to live till god me calls me to his door Take me there and punish me more G...

The heart beats again or so I thought Till the beats begin to lower as time past Heartbeats reduce as they deepen as each beat draws closer to the last The time has come to meet an end Goodbye my loved ones, goodbye my friends As i leave you all this way Sorry is all that i have to say I have found a solution to end my sorrow a means to end my endless wallow Death is the only way to my freedom From being so worthless and lonesome I have lost all need to breathe I have only pain, and my heart bleeds My worth I myself have begun to doubt All I can do is wallow in my pathetic pout A few words to those I love and care Those who were the reasons for so long I fought Reminisce the moments you spent with me Remember me happy, not sad, and in good thought Dear Dad, I know you had so much in store for me But i am sorry, i give up, please forgive me My loving sisters who love me most I wish I could look over you always, at least as a ghost My dear friends, the best of friends, a blessing f...

its been a while and i still cant stop thinking of you you seem to have moved on while i am left motionless i smile, i live and exist simply for you time passes, seasons change yet i am to achieve freedom from sadness each day seems harder than the last, harder and harder why has this feeling of loss yet not seized you made me strong, and you went away leaving me even weaker i have tried all i can and all i know, but this pain still has not eased i don't understand why i still compare beauty to you you are still everything that means something to me i feel empty with each breath i take without you i have lost the need, want and motivation to be everything i can be without you even the air seems to slowly suffocate the water i drink doesn't seem to quench my thirst without you i cannot think straight or contemplate is this all because you are the woman i loved first

so cold and chilling a night, he sits alone in the dark, all alone only a bottle of liquor and a packet of cigarettes, accompany him till the night is gone he doesnt move an inch from his posture or solitude time passes yet so slow, freezing him as cold winds blow nothing seems to bother, nothing does he know he sits still as his body freezes more and more his eyes distant from reality his face with a frown as if to cry he seems to loose hope as memmories flash by after what seems ages he sighs he remembers the pain, the betrayal he felt a pain and a past that he never dealt eyes red in hurt, and a smile that melts he remembers all the rage and sorrow he felt intoxicating to a point of blurred conscience he seems to have yet loose patience his heartbeat echoing in the silence trying to think of excuses and reasons loosing all faith in all that he loved each hurtful memmory dripping in the form of tears burning his pain with ciggarettes and releasing as smoke all that was, that is and w...

moments pass yet i stand still momentarily lost in the past days go by, time passes yet nothing makes me forget what has passed memmories haunt n taunt me i sit in a corner wondering what i have become a smile i fake to survive and to everyone a joker i am but i am sad to some this pain can never ever seize i cover it up with my smile even when i just close my eyes i see u no matter what i do u r in my mind all the while i feel lost i am confused i am trapped in a world of darkness chained and locked and confined banished to feel only sorrow n never to enjoy happiness forgetting u seems to be a task for the gods no where i go, no matter what i do i have tried everything including taking my life but i cannot seem to forget you